I have been missing in action..
I have been slow..
I’ve been looking for answers…
I have taken nearly 6 months, to somewhat heal my grief and come to a place where I’m even able to acknowledge that I was grieving.
It’s something I had read stories about, but never imagined I will have to go through and will be so deeply affected.
Last year, my business coach suddenly collapsed and passed away. He was just 42 and had become the elder brother I never had. He was unwell inside and he and we had no idea outside.
My business and I were going through massive growth in working with him. He was the first person ever, who in working on my business, actually worked on all the other areas of my life that mattered to me.
He saw me. And helped heal my relationship with
– my parents,
– my many ancestors,
– my husband
– my health
– my self-love… you name it.
We were meant to catch-up during the week, and just before the week even began, on Sunday afternoon, he passed on. I was in denial and never expressed my grief. I felt I wasn’t good enough for that.
I just watched other people post messages of condolences and felt living on 2 extreme edges..
So either my grief felt too small in comparison to their deep and beautiful words… And I had nothing better to say..
Or it was too dramatic and I was over-indulging compared to some others who chose to stay quiet too…
And it’s not even a funny coincidence, that during that very period, I was deeply involved working with one of my authors Rachel Pope who was writing her book ‘Gifts From Grief’.
And all throughout our sessions, I thought to myself, I don’t need this book. My grief is not that serious… it’s not that important…
I stayed stuck for a very long time, for I never got to see him one last time. And closure was really hard…
Every time I thought of him, I went delusional…
How can an entire human being vanish from the face of the earth… He had work to do… We had work to do…
We were going to build a school for young entrepreneurs together. How could he not stay?
It can’t be game over… Everyone gets a BONUS life.. I’m sure he’s there somewhere.. In his Melbourne home office, about to get on an FB live and share his deep spiritual musings, in a matter-of-factly way.
I was more affected than I had ever imagined I would be… But the truth is, I had never imagined this. No one does. And I don’t wish anyone ever has to.
There was a point, I considered walking away from my business. Just because he wasn’t around to guide me.
But every time I thought that I was also reminded he would never want me to give up my dreams.
And just then I would have an ‘aha’ moment..
Then remember, he had told me this many months ago… So I chose to believe, that in our time together, he’s actually given me everything I needed to succeed in this journey.
And just kept showing up… even if with a shaken faith, a foggy vision, and unacknowledged grief.
I have never talked or written about it so openly. I somehow felt no words would ever be enough. But earlier this week, it all flowed out… And if my fingers have started typing it, so be it.
This is my story.
Thank you for reading. I’m good. I’m happy. And I know he’s in a happy place too.
And the best way to honour him is to live this life in pure alignment:
* always keep showing up
* keep taking my chances
* own my worth and
* realise my wildest dreams!
And I wish the same for each and every one of you! <3 Please be honest with your emotions, guys... And kinder to yourself. And reach out to someone you can talk it out and process it with. Life will be so much simpler. <3 via facebook page Shilpa Agarwal - Book & Marketing Coach http://www.facebook.com/pages/p/887816351265948